KND: Know Your Stars
by GoldenFlither
Summary: Get to know the cast of Codename: Kids Next Door. Based on a common comedy sketch from the old 1990s television series, 'All That.'
1. Numbuh 1

**Know Your Stars**

Numbuh 1 – Nigel Uno 

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

**Announcer**: Numbuh 1… He has a dog named Huggles.

Numbuh 1: Um… Actually, that's incorrect. I don't have any pets.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 1… His mother is his best friend.

Numbuh 1: Hey! That's untrue, and also none of your business!

**Announcer**: Aw. That's not very nice. You made your mom sad.

Numbuh 1: Can we move on, please?

**Announcer**: Numbuh 1… He swallowed his own head.

Numbuh 1: Hello?! If I'd swallowed my head, I wouldn't have a head. I mean, how can you swallow your own head in the first place?

**Announcer**: Numbuh 1… He has a secret crush on Fanny.

Numbuh 1: What?! Where in the world do you get these facts from? I do not, repeat, do _not_, have a crush on Numbuh 86!

**Announcer**: Now you know Numbuh 1.

Numbuh 1: No, they do not know me! They don't know me at _all_! Where do you get your information? It's all a lie, people! It's all bogus!

**Announcer**: Oh, go play with Huggles.

Numbuh 1: If I had a dog, I would know! I know I don't have a dog, and I also do not have a crush on Numbuh 86! _Hey_! Where are you going? I'm not through with you! Get back here!


	2. Numbuh 2

**Know Your Stars**

Numbuh 2 – Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr. 

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

**Announcer**: Numbuh 2… He loves to play with dolls.

Numbuh 2: Well, really, I design 2x4 technology weapons for the KND. I think that's what you might mean. Not dolls.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 2… He was adopted by a pack of chipmunks.

Numbuh 2: Huh? Where did you hear that? That's not right.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 2… He wishes he was a donut.

Numbuh 2: Um… Okay, I like to eat donuts, but I don't wish that I _was_ a donut.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 2… He stole his shoes from a homeless man.

Numbuh 2: No I didn't! My mom got me these shoes. I would never steal from a homeless man!

**Announcer**: Numbuh 2… He shaves his ears.

Numbuh 2: What the heck?! I don't have hair in my ears.

**Announcer**: Not anymore.

Numbuh 2: Hey! Listen, you! Whose telling you this fake stuff?! I demand to know names!

**Announcer**: Now you know Numbuh 2.

Numbuh 2: I don't think so! Okay, seriously, you need to get your facts straight. Hello? _Hello_?


	3. Numbuh 3

**Know Your Stars**

Numbuh 3 – Kuki Sanban 

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

**Announcer**: Numbuh 3… Her favorite color is shmurchisticummitalic.

Numbuh 3: No, silly. It's actually pink.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 3… She hates Rainbow Monkeys.

Numbuh 3: No I don't! I love Rainbow Monkeys! Love 'em, love 'em, love 'em!

**Announcer**: Numbuh 3… She spies on Numbuh 1 in the shower.

Numbuh 3: Hey! That's not true! That's silly! That's- Yuck.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 3… She thinks Numbuh 1's butt is hot.

Numbuh 3: _Ew_! That's disgusting! I think his butt is _big_, not _hot_.

**Announcer:** It's the same thing.

Numbuh 3: No it's not!

**Announcer**: Now you know Numbuh 3.

Numbuh 3: Nuh _uh_! No! No, no, _no_! They don't know who I am! You're a big meanie!

**Announcer**: I think Numbuh 1's in the shower. You'd better hurry.

Numbuh 3: Now, that's just mean! I don't like to spy on Numbuh 1!

**Announcer**: Go strangle a Rainbow Monkey.

Numbuh 3: (_screams with annoyance_)


	4. Numbuh 4

**Know Your Stars**

Numbuh 4 – Wallabee Beatles 

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

**Announcer**: Numbuh 4… He's allergic to chocolate.

Numbuh 4: What? Who told you that? I love chocolate.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 4… His real name is David Hasselhoff.

Numbuh 4: No it's not. What are you talking about?

**Announcer**: Numbuh 4… He uses deodorant.

Numbuh 4: What the crud is deodorant?

**Announcer**: Numbuh 4… He has a teddy bear named Roosevelt.

Numbuh 4: I don't have a cruddy teddy bear! And even if I did, I would definitely not name it Roosevelt.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 4… He was raised by leprechauns in Ireland.

Numbuh 4: Okay, that's it! Who's telling you all this crud? None of it's right!

**Announcer**: Now you know David Hasselhoff.

Numbuh 4: My name is _not_ David Hasselhoff! You're just one big fat liar! _Get a job_!

**Announcer**: You smell funny. Put on some deodorant.

Numbuh 4: What the crud is deodorant?!


	5. Numbuh 5

**Know Your Stars**

Numbuh 5 – Abigail Lincoln 

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

**Announcer**: Numbuh 5… She speaks Dutch.

Numbuh 5: Uh… Actually, no I don't. I speak English, but no Dutch.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 5… Her hobby is drowning cats.

Numbuh 5: Okay, that's just weird. Who the heck told you that?

**Announcer**: Numbuh 5… Her son is a cold-hearted gangster.

Numbuh 5: What? I don't have a son. I'm just a kid, you know.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 5… She hides penguins in the toilets.

Numbuh 5: You've got no brains to think that _that's_ true! Where do you come up with this stuff?

**Announcer**: Numbuh 5… She named her banana Fred.

Numbuh 5: I did not! You're a liar, aren't you? _Hello_?! Are you there?

**Announcer**: Now you know Numbuh 5.

Numbuh 5: No they don't!

**Announcer**: Yes they do.

Numbuh 5: No they don't! What the heck was all that? You totally lied to everyone! Are you listening to me?!

**Announcer**: Go drown a cat.


	6. Numbuh 86

**Know Your Stars**

Numbuh 86 – Fanny Fulbrite 

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

**Announcer**: Numbuh 86… She loves boys.

Numbuh 86: Wait a second. That's not right! You got it mixed up.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 86… She thinks that she's an onion.

Numbuh 86: What? No I don't! Who told you that?

**Announcer**: Numbuh 86… Her middle name is Jack.

Numbuh 86: First of all, I don't have a middle name. Second of all, if I did, it wouldn't be Jack. That's a stupid boy's name.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 86… She collects elephant poop.

Numbuh 86: Yuck! Now you're getting on my nerves. You got all this stuff wrong!

**Announcer**: Numbuh 86… She's pretty.

Numbuh 86: Now, that's more like it.

**Announcer**: Pretty _ugly_. Ha…ha…ha…

Numbuh 86: Hey! You've got a lot of nerve to say that! Just wait until I get my hands on you.

**Announcer**: Now you know Numbuh 86.

Numbuh 86: What?! No they do _not_ know Numbuh 86! They know nothing about me! Hey, where are you? You get your lying butt back here! I'm not finished with you yet!


	7. Numbuh 362

**Know Your Stars**

Numbuh 362 – Rachel T. McKenzie 

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

**Announcer**: Numbuh 362… She's a part-time mime.

Numbuh 362: Um… I don't think so. I'm full time KND Supreme Leader.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 362… She showed affection to a chicken.

Numbuh 362: No I didn't! I mean, I like animals. But I'm not _that_ distraught.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 362… She enjoys stuffing baloney up through her nostrils.

Numbuh 362: What the heck are you talking about? That's a lie! And also… weird.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 362… She set her own hair on fire yesterday.

Numbuh 362: Uh… No, I _didn't._ If I did, I'd have, like, _no_ hair today.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 362… She uses olive oil when she brushes her teeth.

Numbuh 362: What?! That's untrue! You're crazy! You're lying about everything!

**Announcer**: Now you know Numbuh 362.

Numbuh 362: No they don't!

**Announcer**: Yes they do.

Numbuh 362: All right, you know what? That's it. You get over here, and fight like a man. Do you hear me?! Get down here, sissy!

**Announcer**: Go stuff baloney up your nose.


	8. Numbuh 60

**Know Your Stars**

Numbuh 60 - Patton Drilovsky 

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

**Announcer**: Numbuh 60… He clips his toenails at the beach.

Numbuh 60: Okay? That's actually not true.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 60… His mother clips his toenails for him at the beach.

Numbuh 60: What the… Okay, buddy. You're really pushing it. Stick to the facts, will you?

**Announcer**: Whatever you say, momma's boy.

Numbuh 60: Ugh!

**Announcer**: Numbuh 60… He has a pet cucumber named Percy.

Numbuh 60: Huh? All right, man. I do _not_ have a pet cucumber.

**Announcer**: Numbuh 60… He ate Percy.

Numbuh 60: No! I did not eat a cucumber named Percy! In fact, I don't think I've _ever_ eaten a cucumber!

**Announcer**: That's right, Patton. Stay strong.

Numbuh 60: What? No! You're one big heck of a liar! I don't name vegetables, and my mom does not clip my toenails!

**Announcer**: Numbuh 60… His mom shaves his back for him at the beach.

Numbuh 60: You know what bud? You just crossed the line. Come on; let's see what you've got! Bring it on!

**Announcer**: Now you know Numbuh 60.

Numbuh 60: No they don't! You know that it was all fake crud. Now come down here and let's see what you've got! _Hello_?!


	9. The Delightful Children

**Know Your Stars**

The Delightful Children From Down the Lane 

_Know Your Stars…_

_Know Your Stars…_

_Know Your Stars…_

_Know Your Stars…_

**Announcer**: The Delightful Children… They hate sprinkles on their ice cream.

TDCFDTL: That's false, sir, fellow adult. We love jimmies.

**Announcer**: The Delightful Children… they sneak candy at night when their Father's asleep.

TDCFDTL: That's…that's nonsense! We would never do such a horrible thing!

**Announcer**: The Delightful Children… they dress up their pickles.

TDCFDTL: No we do _not_! What are your sources? We demand to know your resources!

**Announcer**: The Delightful Children… they hate the adults.

TDCFDTL: What? Of course not! You are a liar!

**Announcer**: The Delightful Children… they call adults 'liars.'

TDCFDTL: Wha…no! No, that's wrong! You are wrong!

**Announcer**: Now you know, the Delightful Children

TDCFDTL: Nuh uh! Nope! No, no, no! They do not know us! We are good children, not adult-haters! _Hello_! Is anyone there?

**Announcer**: Go play with your pickles.


	10. Father

**Know Your Stars**

Father – Benedict Uno

_Know Your Stars…_

_Know Your Stars…_

_Know Your Stars…_

_Know Your Stars…_

**Announcer**: Father… He's the king of the chimps.

Father: Well, not yet, actually. Once I rule the world, I'll be the king of everything.

**Announcer**: Father… He has four toes.

Father: I _beg_ your pardon? I'm quite sure that's a mistake.

**Announcer**: Father… He has a pet warthog named Spike.

Father: What? No I do _not_!

**Announcer**: Father… He's _old_.

Father: I happened to be quite young, and in marvelous shape.

**Announcer**: Father… His hobby is shooting rats and cockroaches.

Father: No, it isn't! I've got better things to do with my free time, thank you very much.

**Announcer**: Father… His left butt cheek is bigger than his right.

Father: Look here, chum! That's a lie, and not your business. Where did you come up with this fake junk?

**Announcer**: Now you know Father.

Father: What? No they don't!

**Announcer**: Yes they do.

Father: Okay, that's it! Listen here, _bud_! You wanna take this outside? _Hey_! I'm talking to you!


	11. Chad Dickson

**Know Your Stars**

Numbuh 274 – Chad Dickson

_Know Your Stars…_

_Know Your Stars…_

_Know Your Stars…_

_Know Your Stars…_

**Announcer**: Numbuh 274…

Chad: Excuse me. Before you go on, would you please refer to me by my real name?

**Announcer**: Chad Dickson…

Chad: Thank you.

**Announcer**: His hair is made of yarn.

Chad: Huh? That's not cool, man. Stick to the facts.

**Announcer**: Chad Dickson… He likes to bend forks.

Chad: What the… That's just weird.

**Announcer**: Chad Dickson… He wears bras.

Chad: It's _Battle Ready_ _Armor_! It's a defense mechanism- Never mind; just keep going.

**Announcer**: Chad Dickson… He resembles Carrot Top.

Chad: What? What's that supposed to mean?

**Announcer**: Chad Dickson… He's in love with a Barbie doll.

Chad: No I'm not! Who the heck told you that? It's not true!

**Announcer**: Chad Dickson… He's terrified of rubber ducks.

Chad: Okay man, seriously, this can't be what you're reading. Are you just camping it up right now?

**Announcer**: Now, you know, Chad Dickson.

Chad: Wha- No they don't! They don't know a _thing_ about me! You made all that stuff up! Where are you going? Get your lying butt back here!


	12. Cree Lincoln

**Know Your Stars**

Cree Lincoln 

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

_Know Your Stars… _

**Announcer**: Cree Lincoln… She likes kids.

Cree: Uh, excuse me honey, but that's gotta be a typo. I can't stand the snot-nosed brats. But that's all right. Continue.

**Announcer**: Cree Lincoln… She has an ice cube garden.

Cree: Huh? You're joking, right?

**Announcer**: Cree Lincoln… She once grew a beard three feet long.

Cree: What? No I didn't! Who told you that? Stacy? I don't even have facial hair.

**Announcer**: Cree Lincoln… She cheated on her Chemistry exam.

Cree: N-no! That's a lie! I studied hard for that exam! Are you trying to get me expelled?

**Announcer**: Cree Lincoln… Her feet are a size twelve.

Cree: Do these _look _like size twelves to you?

**Announcer**: Cree Lincoln… She sleeps with her eyes open.

Cree: Okay, first off, I don't think that's even possible. And secondly…

**Announcer**: Now you know Cree Lincoln.

Cree: _What_? Listen, pal, you didn't tell them a single fact! There's no such thing as an ice cube garden!

**Announcer**: Go shave your beard.


End file.
